Changed
by Im-AcErBiC
Summary: Zack went through dramatic changes when he hit high school. He suffered depression, anxiety, and developed a new fondness for the color black. But, the one person who could make it all okay never noticed him. Will a shocking experience change that? ZxL


**Changed**

**A/N:** This fic is brought to you by a challenge from my faithful 'You Are the Music in Me' reviewer, Sandt21. He's cool. Bow down to him. I just read his profile and found out he's a Final Fantasy geek too. Hell yeah! Anyway, the idea of Zack/London may seem unconventional, but is it really? I always say Cody and London are good together because opposites attract. But what about people who have some things in common? Zack and London both love money, they're both kinda superficial, and they both dig the finer things in life. Could it be love? Hee. Of course, this fic will completely stray away from them having things in common. You know me, I like difficult concepts.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Disney Channel, or It's A Laugh Productions.

**Summary:** Zack went through dramatic changes when he hit high school. He suffered depression, anxiety, and developed a new fondness for the color black. But, the one person who could make it all okay never noticed him. What happens when London finds Zack in her bedroom late at night having an anxiety attack?

!#$&()+

_My blood runs cold as I fall to the floor_

_I feel my bones break but all I want is more_

That's all Zack could think of. The poem he'd written earlier that day kept entering his mind on auto-loop. It was strangely similar to the situation he was in now, and comforting in an odd way. Zack slid down the bathroom wall to the floor, the gagging feeling in his throat distracting him from the cherry red liquid pooled around his pale, lifeless hand.

It was such a sweet escape from his misery, caused by his life and all the people in it. Well, except for one person. But we'll get to her later.

Now, he just wanted to feel the pain again. The _beautiful_ pain. It was the most wonderful thing he'd ever felt. Almost as wonderful as the dreams he'd had about London the previous night. Dreams where she walked in on him doing this, fretting over him, screaming and crying and just questioning him.

If only she knew. Zack's mind obviously wouldn't stop drifting back to her, so he'll finish up quickly.

He sank the sparkling silver blade of glass into the soft skin of his forearm a second time, creating a slit through which the dazzling, colorful blood that ran through him like a surging river poured out, draining onto the the pristine, white bathroom floor. He thought he heard a gushing sound, but just dismissed this as his imagination. He had no time for lingering around this place. His mother and twin brother would be back soon. His brother Cody had went to school and Zack, of course, had skipped again. His mom was still the lounge singer at the Tipton hotel, and was working.

Zack pressed the dark green towel he'd dragged in there with him to his fresh wounds, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall, letting it all wash over him.

Zack caught a glimpse of his reflection in a full-length mirror, and quickly turned his head. He never ceased to disgust himself. Zack couldn't stand looking at his own frail body, seemingly smaller than when high school had begun. Never, in his life, had Zack ever weighed less than Cody...until now. He was skinny as a rail, with a black Korn hoodie on and black baggy jeans with chains hanging from everywhere. He bore a black and metal spike collar around his neck, and his once blonde hair was now spiked and frosted with black. He pressed his hand down against the white floor, the black nail polish on his fingernails creating quite a contrast.

Zack struggled for a few seconds, and finally managed to pull himself up with the help of the bathroom sink.

He walked slowly back out into the living room after having cleaned up his mess as best he could, making sure no one had arrived home yet. Zack spotted a picture of Cody and himself on their thirteenth birthday on the refrigerator, turning away from it as quickly as possible. Back then, Cody and Zack were closer than anyone could ever imagine. But, like everything else, that had changed when they entered high school.

Cody continued to be a nerd, but Zack chose to follow a different crowd. He saw some kids hanging around the willow tree outside the school, dressed in all black and just looking pissed off at the world. He had talked with them all day, regaling them with all his problems and worries, and they just...accepted him. Those kids were so much like him. And so it began. Zack drifted further and further away from the life he once knew.

Zack scared the hell out of his mom these days, his brother just looked at him and shook his head, and Maddie acted really nervous and awkward around him, almost almost as if he was a puzzle on which she was stuck. Mr. Moseby was indifferent towards Zack. He almost looked like...he pitied him sometimes.

But his dear London. London was the only person Zack knew who didn't treat him any differently. She treated him exactly the same as she always had. Like shit, sure, but it was something. At least she didn't freak out when Zack walked into a room. She just...ignored him like always. And damn it...he loved her to death.

Zack had always had more in common with her than with Maddie anyway. Maddie was always a goody-goody. Hell, Zack still considered the girl a friend, but too much of that nice shit rubbed him the wrong way sometimes.

Zack flopped down on the sofa, as if the world around him didn't exist, and reached into his pocket. He ended up pulling out his most prized possession. It was a picture of London at the premiere of some movie, the name of which escaped him, smiling brightly and beautifully at the camera. A guy would be crazy not to be attracted to her, but the pure sight of her brought Zack to his knees.

Could you imagine if they ever actually got together? Sure, it'd never happen even in the wildest of Zack's dreams, but wouldn't it be a sight?

'Look!' They'd all say, 'there goes the heiress and the emo kid!'

Zack's breaths began to quicken, as he stared at London's picture and had those thoughts about a relationship that'd never happen. '_Here I go again,'_ he though, '_having another one of my pathetic anxiety attacks.' _ Zack tried to ease his impending hyperventilation with memories of his first Ozzfest show, but it didn't help.

Zack realized he needed to get out of the hotel room before his mom or brother walked through the door. As much as he talked without thinking and just didn't give a shit anymore, there were still certain aspects of his life no one knew about. Nobody knew he went into the bathroom and cut his arm with a broken shard of glass every night. Nobody knew he had these anxiety attacks every so often. And last but not least, no one in the ENTIRE WORLD knew that he loved London. And no one ever would.

Zack didn't have time to think, because his body began to act without any influence from his brain. It seemed as though he was floating upstairs, uncontrollably. Just as he was about to comment on how awesome it was, Zack realized where his body's instincts were taking him. Straight up to the Penthouse suite: LONDON'S Penthouse suite.

Zack barged in through the door, noting that the floor was deserted for the time being. He didn't bother shutting the door, but instead, strolled straight to London's bedroom and collapsed on her bed. Zack recalled her saying something about a shopping spree in another country planned for that day, and let out a sigh of relief when he found she wouldn't be back until the next day. Zack allowed his deep breaths to rampage through his body, fighting the wracking sobs that usually followed these attacks.

It was nearly done, until Zack heard the bedroom door open and the distinct smell of some high-priced perfume fill the air and engulf him in it's sweet playground. His attack instinctively flared up again, and it wasn't something he could hide. Zack's heart started pounding as the person who'd walked in spun on heel and looked at him with wild eyes.

It was both the person he loved most in the world, and the very last person in the world he wanted to see at this particular moment. Zack squeezed his eyes shut tightly, bracing himself for the onslaught.

Zack was readying for her to start screaming in fear, calling him a freak and telling him to get out of her room. But it never came. The only look he saw on her face when he opened his eyes was pure alarm. The expression she wore was the one Zack often dreamed about.

"...Zack," she whispered, gasping with every blink of her beautiful brown eyes. Her eyes shone with tears soon enough, and Zack was completely caught off guard by her reaction.

"London," he replied through heavy breaths, being sarcastic even in such an intense moment. She rushed to him immediately, looking completely unaware of what she should do. Her arms flailed around aimlessly, one of her hands coming in contact with the back of Zack's neck for only a second, causing goosebumps all over.

"I'm gonna go get help," London told him reassuringly, obviously not able to handle the situation.

"No! I don't need anyone else," he replied, through ragid, unstable breathing.

"Well, what do I do?" She asked him, tucking a strand of straight, black hair behind her ear.

"Just stay with me," Zack answered, rocking back and forth from his sitting position on London's bed. He expected her to back into a far corner and wait until it passed, but he never expected what happened next.

London approached Zack cautiously, and actually sat down beside him. She planced a hand on his shoulder, and leaned closer to him all the while. She placed her forehead against his right temple, stroking his left cheek with natural affection.

"Come on, Zack. You gotta calm down sweetie. You need to take slow deep breaths," London encouraged him, talking softly and sweetly. Anyone else talking like that would've likely made Zack throw up. But London saying it was so incredible. Zack guessed that was his love for her talking.

'But how? How can I take slow deep breaths when you're sitting so close to me, London?' Zack continued to ask, in his mind of course.

"What do you mean?" London asked, confused. 'Or...not in my mind. Whatever.'

"It's nothing," Zack responded, his breathing getting worse with every slip up he made.

"Honey, you need to stop--" London began, cutting herself off when she noticed something closer to the floor then Zack was. Uh oh...

"What the...hell?" London asked herself, lifting his arm up gently, surveying it with great interest. Zack wasn't obligated to be a rocket scientist to know she'd discovered the fresh wounds on his arm.

"It's not what you think," he said quickly. Wow, that was a lameass response.

"Zack! How could you do this to yourself?!" London exclaimed at him, ignoring his flinches. Her tears began to fall at her discovery, and Zack's dream had finally come true. Except, this was more like a horrific nightmare. Suddenly, Zack didn't want to be the person he'd become since he'd entered high school. This new Zack was causing London so much grief and misery, and he just wanted it to end.

"I'm sorry, London. I'm so sorry," Zack stammered, struggling to keep his tears concealed.

"Why?" London sobbed into Zack's shoulder, not wanting him to see her upset.

"I don't know. I just...do it. It's like the pain of cutting myself gets rid of all my emotional pain," Zack reverberated, leaning his head over onto hers.

"Where did you learn something so horrible?" She questioned Zack, lifting her head to look into his eyes.

"The kids at school were telling me about it. They do it all the time...and now, so do I," he stated, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Well you've got to stop hurting yourself!" London demanded. Zack gazed at London with great interest, wondering why she cared so much. He decided not to ask, allowing his breathing to become normal again.

As soon as the attack was over, Zack felt he had to ask...

"You're not gonna tell anyone, right?" He voiced his concern, not leaving her bed quite yet.

"Zack...I can't just keep this to myself. You're hurting yourself! I have to tell someone," London replied, after a bit of hesitation. This caused Zack's labored breathing to flare up again.

"No! London, you can't! If my mom found out, she'd stick me in some psychiatric hospital!" Zack yelled, not helping his second anxiety attack. London panicked for a moment, realizing this was her fault, and simply hugged Zack close to her. She slid backwards with him across the bed, until they both were leaning against the pillows.

"Shh, just calm down. I'm sorry...I won't tell anyone, I promise," she said quietly, knowing fully that it was a lie. Her goal now was just to calm him down, and perhaps get him to go to sleep. She had no idea what to do. She stared into his face.

"Is there anything I can do to calm you down?" She asked Zack, who simply stared back. He lifted his head slightly, feeling like he should take the chance while he had it. With that, he brushed his lips lazily across hers, feeling her respond slightly. When he pulled away, his head fell back against the pillow. He didn't say another word to her. Not wanting to say the wrong thing, she remained silent as well. Soon enough, Zack's eyes willingly closed, and his breathing deepened, as though he were sleeping peacefully.

London smiled slightly, noting that while asleep, Zack resembled the boy she once knew. Feeling overcome with emotion, London leaned down and kissed him softly on his cheek, trying to be as gentle as possible. London continued beaming, before laying her head against his and drifting off to sleep as well.

They both couldn't help but wonder if this strange event had changed Zack Martin.

**A/N:** That was the HARDEST freaking story I've ever written. LOL, guess that's why it's called a challenge. Hope it satisfied. Thanks a bunch for the idea Sandt21, that was a great experience. It's quite interesting writing a fic for a new pairing that you have no prior experience writing for. I hope it wasn't too bad. Hehe, anyways, love you guys!

**xoxo Trish**


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